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Navigating the Online Dating Maze:
A Guide to Do's and Don'ts
By P.Kea Dated: January 12, 2024
Welcome to the world of online dating, where swipes, likes, and matches have become the new currency of romance. In today's digital age, the internet offers a abundance of platforms and apps designed to help us find love, companionship, or even just a casual fling. However, in the middle of vast amount of profiles and potential matches, it's easy to get lost and overwhelmed by the complexities of online dating.
Whether you're a seasoned online dater or a newcomer to the scene, understanding the do's and don'ts of online dating is essential for maximizing your chances of success while avoiding common pitfalls. In this guide, we'll navigate the intricacies of online romance, offering practical advice, to help you navigate this virtual landscape with confidence. Here is my top 20 list...
Do - Create a unique username. Usernames do catch a person’s attention whether it’s positive or negative. Try to be creative with something that represents who you are, your hobbies, or interests.
Don’t – Create usernames that have sexual connotations such as sexy, hot, dirty, naughty, etc., or anything to do with private body parts. These types of usernames are best left to more explicit hook-up apps. But if horny is the type of image, you’re going for…go for it! Lastly, don’t use your real name…need I say more?
Do - Take the time to create a profile. A good dating profile should give people a sense of who you are. Keep your profile brief and positive but be clear about your intentions. Take a moment to verify what you wrote and spell-check your profile writing. Also, take the time to write about the type of person you are hoping to meet.
Image by Freepik
Don’t – Misrepresent yourself. Be honest. People tend to write profiles about the person they want to be or what they think people are looking for instead of the person they are. Some people are dishonest about their age, height, job type, income, and relationship status. For instance: You tell your online interest you’re a CPA but you’re a bookkeeper or a nurse but you’re a CNA or you're Single but you're Legally separated (there’s a difference). Being upfront and honest will lead to a trusting & healthier relationship.
Do – Take a recent photo of yourself and smile in your photo. A headshot, 2 full body shots, and a few activity images if you like. The images you display should be just about you.
Don’t – Take bathroom selfies, they’re not flattering at all, instead, have a friend take a few photos for you. Don’t hide behind a pair of sunglasses or a baseball cap. Stay away from taking images in front of your home (images that capture your street address which could be a Google image search security risk) or of your kids… the person you chose to date will meet them later. Remember this connection should be about you initially.
If you can’t carry on a
conversation,
you won’t be able to carry on a
relationship.
@mouldingexcellence
Don’t- Send messages saying hello, hey, what’s up, I think this messaging technique is for the lazy. I think people who write these one-two-liners are counting on their looks or just hoping for a response or they are unable to communicate why they reached out to you in the first place.
Do – Read the person's profile and respond (message) to what you’ve found appealing to reach out to them in the first place. Ask a question or two based on their photo or profile information.
Do – Take the time to build a connection by talking to or video chatting with your online interest for a short while before meeting in person. Wait until you’re comfortable and do not feel pressured to meet. If you want to wait longer, the right person will give you the time to feel comfortable. Some people tend to message you on a Wednesday and want to meet with you on a Thursday. So, stay vigilant and cautious. Know that this is a person you would like to meet.
Don’t – Go out without letting someone know. (This should be a number one rule whether you date online or offline). Who you’re going with, what are you going to do, where are you going, when are you going, why are you going, and how you are getting there?
Don’t - Invite anyone to your place of residence on your first few dates because you still don’t know who you’re dealing with. But when you are ready to invite this person to your home, again let someone know. Who, where, and why?
Don’t – Attend concerts, movies, arena games, or any place that can be considered confining, because there won’t be enough time for engaging in conversation. Try attending zoos, museums, restaurants, coffee shops, ice cream shops, and malls. Never
allow yourself to be taken outside of public view.
Do – Dress appropriately for your date, depending on where and what you’re going to do. Be comfortable.
Don’t – Get in a car with someone you’ve just met, drive separately. If you don’t drive take an Uber, or taxi or have a friend, drop you off and pick you up.
Do – Stay sober. People sometimes like to meet at bars and clubs, if you go to a bar decide to stay sober. But, if you do drink, make sure you see your drink poured and handed to you. Before you get intoxicated make sure you can get home safely.
Don’t – Ever leave your drink unattended, if you need to use the bathroom in the middle of dinner or dancing, do not come back and pick it up, discard it and order another or different type of drink.
Do – Be polite and honest with yourself and your online interests. If you go out and meet someone for the first time face to face and you decide that you’re not interested in pursuing a relationship with this individual, stay the course of your date and engage in polite conversation, (unless you're getting a bad vibe then call it a night), and at the end of the date say your goodbyes. But as soon as possible let them know you didn’t feel a connection.
Don’t – Be afraid to ask tough questions before you become too invested. So, if you've met someone that you think you vibe with, ask them if it’s okay to ask more detailed personal questions before you proceed. You should ask questions that are important to you and your lifestyle and know that they will probably be untruthful about some of these questions so listen and look out for idiosyncrasies as your relationship progresses. Here are a few example questions:
Have you been in a long-term relationship? How long?
Have you ever cheated in any of your past relationships?
Have you ever lashed/struck out at anyone mentally or physically?
Any drug, tobacco, or alcohol abuse?
Any fixations/addictions to porn, gambling, sex, shopping, etc.…
Any physical impairments, such as asthma, heart, epilepsy, etc....
Any mental impairments, such as panic attacks, anxiety, mood disorders, etc.…
Are you monogamous?
Are you an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert?
Are you financially stable?
What are your views on financial responsibility as it pertains to a relationship?
What are your sexual/intimacy expectations?
Do you cook and do household chores?
Don’t- Ever give anyone money for any reason at all. You do not know this person.
Online and offline scammers are good at what they do, they can create elaborate stories that can tug at the hardest of hearts or of a promising fairytale relationship.
There are so many types of other online and offline scams, so be vigilant.
Do- Investigate, you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes. Just a little internet investigation or social media research will suffice. It’s a way to see if you catch a catfish or find some red flags. Search state arrest records, most are available to the public for viewing and some websites such as Been Verified and Spokeo offer background information for a fee.
Wrap up
Don’t be afraid to ask difficult questions and look out for those discerning personality traits, red flags, notifications, warnings, indicators, wake up calls, you get what I mean...LOL. So, whether you are online or offline dating, follow your instincts and be patient, careful and safe. GOOD LUCK!
For more information on safety and scam tips @ kaspersky.com and FBI.gov for romance scams.